Finding God’s Best For You
He who finds a wife finds a good thing,
And obtains favor from the Lord. Proverbs 18:22 NKJV
It has been said that a woman plays a significant part and impact on the success and destiny of a man. The bible clearly states that upon finding a wife, he has obtained favor from the Lord.
Of all the important decisions that a man will make in his life, very few are as important as the wife he will choose. History is filled with stories of the rise and fall of men who have been directly influenced by the women bound to their hearts.
The significance of a good wife cannot be overstated. My foster mother told me a long time ago, that there are somethings that are far worse than being lonely. Through a lot of trial and error, I have learned the full meaning of that statement.
Since finding a good wife is such an important decision, it should not be taken lightly. As a matter of fact, all care should be taken to ensure that Christian men are diligent in their search for a woman of God and recognizing those qualities that should be prominent in her life.
Our culture has an unrealistic and shallow view of the qualities of a woman. The Christian man is called to a higher standard, and therefore the traits we are to look for in a woman must be in alignment with godly principles. This is for our protection and help in the fulfilment of our role as a husband, father and spiritual leader of the family.
It is vitally important that the man, especially Christian men take heed to godly counsel.
We are advised to: To know wisdom and instruction; to perceive the words of understanding; To receive the instruction of wisdom, justice, and judgment, and equity; To give subtlety to the simple, to the young man knowledge and discretion. A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels: Proverbs 1: 2-5 KJV
How many times have we said, “If I only knew back then, the things I know now, I would have done things differently?”
The following traits to look for in a godly woman will serve as a guide to help you make a wise decision and avoid some of the pitfalls that other men have encountered.
Character Is Important
Much too often men overlook the character of a woman, in exchange for the outer appearance. Physical beauty indeed plays a part in the overall attractiveness of a woman, but even greater qualities on the inside is what truly makes a woman of God stand out from the rest.
Many who date do not look beyond the surface. Often, we hear people cite the things that they have in common. Such as: “We like the same activities and enjoy the same music.” “We agree on everything!”
However, the secret traits and character of the heart is truly what identifies a person. It is just as important to know what you do not agree on and especially how the person reacts to those differences.
How does she respond to conflict? Does she get extremely angry or have fits of rage and abusive language? Does out bursts of anger and bad language come in line with the character of a person described in Colossians 3:8? “But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth.” Colossians 3:8 KJV
Is she a woman of God?
As a Christian man it is important that you see a character that is influenced by God, and obedience to his word.
Some men may not appreciate the value of a genuine Christian woman until they have experienced life with a woman who is not a Christian.
The book of Proverbs tells us something about the character of the woman of God. “Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.” Proverbs 31:30 KJV
These qualities include being a woman of gentle spirit, generous and tenderhearted towards others. Is she obedient to the word of God regarding marriage and relationships? Does she see the Godly design of marriage as a ministry to her husband in accordance with 1Peter 3:1-5?
“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.” 1Peter3:1-5 KJV
Confident In Faith
A man can feel more secure in a woman, knowing that her faith in God is solid and based on the unchanging principles of God’s word. Life can be tough, and there will be times when her faith will be needed for the moments of doubt that can creep into both your personal and married life. Does she voice her confidence in God and can it be seen by her actions? Does she read the bible for her own spiritual growth and well-being? Does she pray? “Teach me good judgment and knowledge: for I have believed thy commandments.” Psalms 119:66
This is even more important in the family setting. If you have children together, both will be tasked with teaching them the spiritual things of God. Is she up to the task? Are you?
Part of our confidence in God can best be described as walking by faith and not by sight. “(For we walk by faith, not by sight:)” 2Corinthians 5:7
This vote of confidence in God’s sovereignty can sustain you both as you tackle the many uncertainties of life. A Christian woman leads by example, so that she never needs to tell anyone that she is a Christian, because her faith shines through every action she takes.
Settling For Mrs. Good Enough
Currently there are 7.8 billion people on planet earth, and more men than women, according to the 2017 United Nations statistics and the World Atlas. However, men cannot use the excuse of there being too few women as a reason for them settling for less than the kind of love they deserve. There have been countless studies and reasons for men choosing women who are less than ideal for them.
What exactly does settling for less look like?
A quick fix solution. Settling for less in a relationship means that you are choosing someone who is available at the moment. It may not be what you want but you settle for them, nevertheless. You may be lonely, and the person sitting across from you in the restaurant seems to be the answer to your loneliness. Quick fixes do not work, especially in marriage. I know some people who spend more time planning their Christmas shopping than picking a lifetime partner. Due diligence should be taken to ensure that you are not making emotional based decisions. Do not make a permanent decision on temporary emotions.
You are under pressure. Being under pressure can make you settle for less, especially if it is combined with the fear of hurting the other person or losing them. Pressure from your friends and family can cause you to settle. I mean how many times do you want to have to answer the question, “When are you getting married?” It is always a good idea to step back and be objective about your decisions. Getting good sound advice from other Christian men, along with prayer and
You are misinformed. Some men and women settle because they do not have the right information about marriage. Marriage is a lifelong commitment and it requires an abundance of information for anyone to make a well-informed decision. It is always a good idea to talk with other successful married couples to get insight into what lies ahead. A wealth of advice can be obtained from other Christian men who are married and well respected. Be sure to talk with them about the challenges of marriage and how to apply godly principles, that is pleasing to God.
Low self esteem. This is a silent problem that some men never talk about, but it comes out in every aspect of their lives and especially in their relationships. If you feel you don’t have enough education, don’t make enough money or that you are not good looking enough you may settle for the next woman who gives you attention and seems to accept you as you are. Here is where you need to be careful. Marriage and healthy relationships entail a lot more than that. Don’t be afraid to ask questions and engage in open honest communication about your reasons for marriage. What are your expectations for the woman? What are your expectations from yourself? You will need to take a self-examination of who you truly are. Are there areas that need to be addressed to give you more self-confidence and growth?
Fear Fear is a big one, and it is just as potent in men as it is in women.Men may be a little bit better at disguising it, but it shows up in other ways. That fear only increases with age, and can drive you to make an emotionally based decision instead of a rational one. As Christians we are not to let fear dictate our lives. “For he has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and love and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7 NKJV
I think it is equally important to know the kind of person we should not settle for, as it will bring a better decision and choice for a mate into better focus.
Someone you are not attracted to. On the surface it sounds harsh to pass on a potentially good person that you are not physically attracted to. However, the long-term implications are worth giving this some serious consideration. Being attracted to someone you plan to be with for a lifetime is very important. While you may be able to fake it for a while, sooner or later your lack of attraction for your partner will come out, and when you partner finds out she will be deeply hurt. Also being attracted to your partner, can lessen the temptation to violate God’s law of adultery, which is a devastating relationship destroyer, between you and your wife and God. You cannot justify adultery because of your desire to be with a more attractive partner. It is best to ensure the attraction is established in the first place.
Someone who lacks character. It should be very important to look for a woman who has good character that is based on godly principles. It is more than possible to find a woman who is attractive and also has a good heart. The best of both worlds is when her heart is as beautiful as her appearance.
Someone who is a flirt. Most people want partners who are loyal and that they don’t have to worry about the possibility of them going astray. As Christians both partners are held to the same godly standards, and this should bring a sense of peace and security. The last thing you want is to be lying in bed awake, wondering what man she is thinking about.
Loving your Wife is your personal ministry, and Christ’s vision.
The most amazing demonstration of Christ’s love for us, his bride, can be found in his devotion and single purpose to fulfill his mission on earth.As husbands the exact same love and unwavering devotion is required and demanded of us. The mandate is clear that as a man of God, your mission is to convey the love of God to your wife in the same way that Christ has loved the church.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—Ephesians 5:25-29
It comes with enormous responsibility that has eternal rewards. The impact of your relationship with your wife can set the tone for her spiritual life. Consider the parallels of the love and devotion that Christ has for us and how it is expected that your love will have a loving impact on the woman.
Going The Distance, Staying The Course
There will be tough times, even in the best of marriages. Knowing the vision that God has for your role in the marriage can strengthen you to stay the course and gently guide, encourage and teach with your loving example of unwavering love for your wife.
When Jesus Christ was heading toward Jerusalem, knowing what waited for him there, his love for you and I became his passion to finish the mission God had gave him. So, it is with us to stay the course in loving our wives.
33 “We are going up to Jerusalem,” he said, “and the Son of Man will be delivered over to the chief priests and the teachers of the law. They will condemn him to death and will hand him over to the Gentiles, 34 who will mock him and spit on him, flog him and kill him. Three days later he will rise.” Mark 10: 33-34
If at any moment Christ would have wavered at his mission, what would have become of you and I? All hope would be lost, and we would be bound for a certain eternity of God’s wrath.
However, because his love for you and I was so strong, he was able to endure even the cross and pay the ultimate price and make the ultimate sacrifice for us. Your mission as a loving husband is to demonstrate the same love towards your wife so that she can be drawn to the love of God that dwells in you.
It is hoped that you may never have to actually sacrifice your very life for your wife, but there are countless stories of men who have. Even though you may not be asked to give your life for her, are you equally as prepared to give of yourself, your love, your time, your heart to her?
Will your patience be tempered with love for the goal of her well-being both physically and spiritually? The stakes are high and the rewards eternal.
Values are a reflection of you and God. What values are being reflected in your prospective spouse?
The following is worth repeating: Some men may not appreciate the value of a genuine Christian woman until they have experienced life with a woman who is not a Christian.The lifelong regret of being married to a person who does not share your Christian values, cannot be overstated.
There are plenty of reasons for not compromising on Christian values when searching for a godly woman. Not compromising requires an unswerving devotion to God and obedience to his word, regardless of what the surrounding culture is doing or promoting.
There will be times when you will have to make a stand to be obedient even when your prospective spouse suggests otherwise. This is especially true in the area regarding premarital sex.
Let’s take a look at what the word of God says that can protect you from compromise.
9 How can a young person stay on the path of purity?
By living according to your word.
10 I seek you with all my heart;
do not let me stray from your commands.
11 I have hidden your word in my heart
that I might not sin against you. Psalms 119: 9-11
God has our best interest in mind and his principles are designed to protect us from unnecessary hardship by obeying him. He is equally concerned with the lasting happiness that you will enjoy by carefully evaluating the values and character of your lifelong partner. It is also important to keep in mind that your relationship with your partner is a ministry to the world of the goodness of God. Your values and that of your partner’s must reflect his character and love, so that others will be drawn to him.
Eugene Coghill is the creator of Kingdom Living, a Christian based inspirational blog. His achievements have included two published novels, Love Is A Fishnet (2008) and most recently, A Loving Deception (February 2020). His is in pursuit of a freelance copywriting career and is a member of the Professional Writer’s Alliance.
His past careers have included the United States Marine Corps, law enforcement, corporate investigator, and is currently a professional driver (tractor trailer) for Walmart.
Inspirational speaking, especially to troubled youths is his growing passion to share his story of overcoming a very abusive and challenging childhood.